These random off-the-wall thoughts were collected by
(or dumped on) Alex Kaplan, the owner of this little web-site

Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances? (Too bad you learn this too late...)
Thomas Jefferson

When people fear government there's tyranny; when the government fears the people there's freedom.
A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have.
The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money. ( Margaret Thatcher )
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it. (Fortune-cookie)
In God we trust. All the rest must pay by cash. (in a seedy hotel)
Science has first word in anything, and last word in nothing (Victor Hugo )
A good researcher should write only the first or the last paper on any subject ( George T. Reynolds )
Any competent theoretician should be able to fit any given theory
to any given set of facts (Ivy league prof-requirment)
Any two nonidentical points can be connected by any curve, and at that
only one (unwritten operational rule in FizTech lab-classes, circa 1955)
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. (Fortune-cookie)
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. ( Pablo Picasso )
... For in much wisdom is much grief, and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. (Ecclesiastes 1:18 )
This theory isn't right... It isn't even wrong! (Wolfgang Pauli )
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. ( Albert Einstein )
Alejandro Nalpak (also here )

There are so many answers out there, and we ask so few questions...
Like a Schroedinger Cat, science is a superposition of two eigen-states: "possible" and "impossible".
In fact, science is a religion; its unprovable simbol of faith is the Universal Theory of Everything.
If on your way to God you skip the priests, they will all declare you His enemy.
The greatest experts on nobility are lackeys.
Behind every great model there is another model. Only pay-checks are real...
Reality is non-linear... Take my course on non-linear optics.
Black-and-white rainbow...

Don't talk logics to me. Logics is a refuge of narrow-minded people!
Fish's logics: There is no life in the air
Galileo's opponent's logics: If the Earth indeed revolved
around the Sun, all the clouds would've been blown away by wind...

When it comes to the vote on intellectual matters, half-wits usually win -- that is what voting is for...
Any fool can be a young fool; it takes a lifelong experience to be an old fool...
How long will the Nature put up with our arrogant belief that it can be explained and managed?
--Oh, but in the end, the joke is always on us...

Aim high: pursue the AFOSR support.

A real conversation:
-- What are your research motivations? From deep inside?
== Oh, well... I am a bit of a rebel; an inventor, a pathfinder; a pioneer, if you wish...
-- Hmmm... I hope you know how many pioneers ended up with a lot of arrows in their back...

In the end, we all make dust.
Some of us make sawdust...

Home, in the ultimate account, is under your hat.
If you have no hat, nor account, you are a trully free man.
If you have nothing under your hat, you better stay at home.
Home these days is less where your heart is, than where you understand the sons-of-biches... (Dave Hickey)
It isn't where you came from, it's where you are going to what counts... (Ella Fitzerald)
When you get too old to hunt bulls, you start teaching how to read bullshit (a cartoon caption)
Ezhi Lets

Hit the bottom; then heard somebody knocking from below.
So you've broken a wall with your head; how do you like it in another prison cell?
Yogi Berra

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
It ain't over till it's over.
The future ain't what it used to be.
It's deja-vu, all over again.
There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell'em.
You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
Ambrose Bierce

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
Cynic, n: the one whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road: They get run over.
All probabilities are 50%: either a thing will happen or it won't.
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. (Source unknown; but sounds true...)
All I have is only what I am going after... ( from a movie... )
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
It is not to win that I came into the ring; I came to fight. (Alexander Daniel)
First to go, last to know... (No-joke with troops on the ground. "What you don't know, wouldn't kill you...", right?...)
Benjamin Franklin

He who trade freedom for security will have neither.
He who is good at making excuses is seldomly good for anything else.
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.
Fear nothing, hope for nothing, beg for nothing... ( from Soviet Gulag labor/death camps ).
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. ( George Orwell)
...Chicago rules: You come after me with a knife, I come after you with a gun.
You come after me with a gun, I come after you with a howitzer. ( Sidney Blumenthal )

Anonymous:
If you are smarter than anybody else, how would they be able to figure it out?
What are you trying to say with your silence?
What is the speed of darkness?
You have not read Picasso?!
They search for intelligent life only outside the Earth.

Graduate program in American university: it is where Russian professors
teach math to Chinese students (from Congressional hearings)
A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for. (Rear Admiral Grace Hooper)
Some people are educated far beyond their intelligence. (Arthur Clark)
Advice to alien life forms:

Intelligence?... It constitutes
but one of many attributes;
So note (and this is NOT malicious)
it's better not to be DELICIOUS (Gregory Steward)
The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is the fact that none of it has tried to contact us. (Calvin and Hobbes)
-- Oh, God! Why there are so many Commandments? Can we have say 5 instead of 10?
== Moses, are you bargaining with me ?!!!!
-- Wait... where it says "Thou shalt not bargain..."??

(from unpublished memoir of one of the parties)
Why God Never Received Tenure at a University:

He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew.
It has no references.
It was not published in a refereed journal.
Some doubt He wrote it himself.
He may have created the world, but what has He done since then?
The scientific community cannot replicate His results.
He never got permission from the ethics board to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it by drowning the subjects.
He rarely came to class and just told His students, "Read the BOOK!"
Some say He had His Son teach the class.
He expelled His first two students.
His office hours were irregular and sometimes held on a mountain top.
There were as many as 10 requirements, and most students failed them.

(the Sourse insisted on staying anonymous)


off-the-wall photos
off-the-wall cartoons by Syssoev
same by Zlatkovsky
Last updated on September 28, 2014
Back to Alex Kaplan's home page